if i can run in heels then i can drive
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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