Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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