maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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