Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will be naked everywhere
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
