We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
