Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
