i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
