Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
