remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
