How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
