My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
