I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
