Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
