you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
