I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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