Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
