Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
