It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
