I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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