put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
