Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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