just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
