dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You ruined the universe
Randomize
