Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
