im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
