im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
