Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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