its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.