matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.