And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?