So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!