come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
