Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
