i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
