official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
