I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
