And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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