Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
