Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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