Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
