Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
