The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
