dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
