Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
