Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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