If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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