seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize