I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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