I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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