You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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