I feel great
I just peed on a car
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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