Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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