I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
