so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
