Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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