I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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