I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.