hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.