I want to walk on stilts...naked
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.