i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks