Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
