i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize