Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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