my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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