What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
