If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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